Early warning signs IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP ABUSIVE? The following quiz can help you to identify if there are abusive patterns in your relationship BUT it is just a quiz; if you feel at risk you should ask for help quickly. Score 0-3 for the first 19 questions 0 (never), 1 (once or twice), 2 (sometimes), 3 (often) Are you ever frightened of your partner's temper? Does your partner's behaviour become erratic when they have been drinking? Is your partner unpredictable in a way that worries you? Does he/she get jealous when you hang out with other friends or your family? Do rows tend to happen if you are or have been out with friends? Have you ever stopped or cut down on hanging out with them to keep your partner from getting mad? Does your partner want to spend all of their time with you? Has your partner said "I love you" early in the relationship, before you've really had time to get to know each other? Does he/she demand the same commitment from you? Is the person you are dating really nice sometimes and really nasty other times? Does your partner lie to you about important things and then blame you for the problems? Does your partner make promises to change, but it never lasts very long? Does he/she make big gestures after a row? Are you afraid to say "no" or disagree with your partner? Are you afraid to break up with your partner? Does your partner embarrass you, call you names, or make you feel stupid, either in private or in front of friends? Does your partner tell you that you don't have a sense of humour, or are making a big deal out of nothing when you complain about it? When the person you're dating gets angry, does he/she tell you that "you make them" act that way that they do? Or say that they can't help it if they have a short temper? Does your partner constantly check up on you? Question you about where you're going, who you're spending time with, and what you're doing? Check up on you and expect you to answer his/her texts/calls immediately? Are you embarrassed to tell you friends/family about how your partner treats you? Do you apologise to others or make excuses for his/her behaviour? Score 0 or 5 for no or yes to the remaining questions Do you feel pressured or forced into having sex? Does your partner make you feel guilty if you say "no" to sex? (i.e. "if you loved me, you'd do it" or "if you don't, I'll find someone else who will") Do you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough for your partner? Has your partner ever threatened to commit suicide or hurt him/herself if you break up with him/her? Does your partner ever blame alcohol or drugs for his/her behaviour? Have you ever been bruised by your partner 'accidentally' or have they been rough with you in a way you didn't want them to? Have you been hit, kicked or shoved by your partner? Even once? Add up your total score ________ SCORE CHART: 0 – 8: Non-Abusive 8 – 36: Moderately Abusive 36+ SERIOUSLY Abusive A person with a score of 0 - 8 lives in a non-abusive relationship. The sorts of strains this person experiences are not unusual in modern homes, and he/she and their partner deals with them non-abusively. A person with a score in the 8 - 36 range, however, definitely does live in a home where some abuse has been experienced at least once in a while. It may be that this is a relationship where the abuse is just beginning, or perhaps for whatever reason it has stopped at this level of severity. Something to Consider: In a new relationship, less severe abuse is likely to escalate in severity and frequency as the relationship continues. A person with a score over 36 is in a seriously abusive situation. Under outside pressures or with sudden strain (eg a family emergency) this can become very dangerous. In a seriously abusive situation, emotional harm and even physical injury is quite probable if it has not already occurred. This person should seriously consider getting help, even leaving. Something to Consider: If a person scores highly (especially if their high score is generated from the last five questions) they need to seriously consider the option of leaving the relationship, at least temporarily (and possibly soon). The abuse will not “take care of itself" or miraculously disappear. Over time, the chances are very good that the person's life will be damaged and/or be in jeopardy.