Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. Regular use of other abusive behaviours, however, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of abuse.

Although physical assaults may occur occasionally or only once, they instill a threat of future violent attacks and allow the perpetrator to take control of the victim’s life and circumstances.

The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviours, which are used by a perpetrater to establish and maintain control over their partner.

Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse.

They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.


  • Making her afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures
  • Smashing things
  • Destroying her property
  • Abusing pets
  • Displaying weapons

Emotional Abuse

  • Putting her down
  • Making her feel bad about herself
  • Calling her names
  • Making her think she’s crazy
  • Playing mind games
  • Humiliating her
  • Making her feel guilty


  • Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, and where she goes.
  • Limiting her outside involvement
  • Using jealousy to justify actions

Minimising, Denying & Blaming

  • Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously
  • Saying the abuse didn’t happen
  • Shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour
  • Saying she caused it


  • Making her feel guilty about the children
  • Using the children to relay messages
  • Using visitation to harass her
  • Threatening to take the children away

Economic Abuse

  • Preventing her from getting or keeping a job
  • Making her ask for money
  • Giving her an allowance
  • Taking her money
  • Not letting her know about or have access to family income

Male Privilege

  • Treating her like a servant
  • Making all the big decisions
  • Acting as though he is “in charge”
  • Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles

Coercion & Threats

  • Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her
  • Threatening to leave her, commit suicide, or report her to welfare
  • Making her drop any charges
  • Making her do illegal things